Season 2005-06
July 2005 August 2005
Sun God Submitted on 26/07/2005 by ?
Smudger Smith returns from his cruise this weekend. But unlike most people who go away looking like a bottle of milk and come back looking like a chocolate milkshake - Smudger went away looking as if he lived in Florida. He’ll get back from his fortnight cruising the Med looking like he spent the whole trip in the engine room.

Carrville’s favourite male crimper - who used to ‘style’ Barry Venison’s hair - got a touch of the David Dickinsons before he departed and visited a spray tan booth.

He was really pleased with his new look - fancying himself as Durham’s Don Johnson look-a-like. Just swap Crockett’s red Ferrari for Smudger’s red Fiesta; his alligator for the two guinea pigs (assuming they survived their stay at Trapper’s) and the white suit for and T-shirt look for the dodgy hairdresser attire. Welcome back – did you remember our duty frees?
Gold Medals For Carrville Submitted on 17/07/2005 by ?
Never mind the Olympics in London in 2012 - here in Carrville we already have 2 Gold medals to be very proud of. Christopher Jackson recently won Gold in the British Championships at Blackpool in the Slalom Event and the Precision Ramp event. Add the fact that he was the youngest competitor and I'm sure you'll agree, it's an exceptional achievement.

Out? In? Submitted on 15/07/2005 by ?
With Bellamy gone and the expected departure of Ambrose and the possibility of Butt or Bowyer next to go, we can now concentrate on who we might sign. The Emre saga looks like reaching a conclusion early next week.

But what about a Centre Forward Mr Souness?
‘Durham, Durham, So Good They Named It Twice’ Submitted on 10/07/2005 by ?
The Damned were very good, The Buzzcocks even better, but just wait ‘till honorary Carrville Mag, Jake Burns & Stiff Little Fingers come to town. It’s their first visit to the country’s finest Cathedral City since the early eighties and that night is still regularly discussed with fondness by the Carrville Mags who were there. ‘The best band ever’ on our doorstep- can’t wait.

As you’d expect, tickets are selling fast. Well over 100 were sold within the first 3 hours of going on sale and Dave in Concepts insists that all 700 will be sold out within the next few weeks.

Promoter Jon Connor reckons, ‘Stiff Little Fingers will sell out long before the gig and I would advise people to get their tickets now. They have heard such good reports from The Damned and The Buzzcocks about the enthusiasm at the gigs. They normally play Newcastle and sell out and they have decided to play Durham.’
Good on ya Mr. Connor for getting them to Durham again. We’re prepared to forgive the catastrophic printing error on the tickets; ‘Dunelm House, Durham, Tyne & Wear.’ Fcuking Tyne & Wear!!!!???!!

DURHAM City is in County DURHAM – don’t ever forget that.

We have now got tickets for everyone who has ordered one.
Ready? Submitted on 05/07/2005 by ?
Whatever your views are about the Intertoto Cup one thing is for certain, it shortens the close season. Our first home game against either Ankaraspor or Dubnica is on Sat. 23rd July. We’ll obviously have a bus going. Travelcards and new Toon tops at the ready?
Desperate mackems Submitted on 01/07/2005 by ?
The neighbouring pondlife have opted to follow the lead of other ‘yo-yo’ clubs that have masqueraded as Premier League teams in recent seasons. For the forthcoming season they are to adopt a ‘tiered system’ for high-profile matches in a desperate attempt to recoup as much cash as possible in what is certain to be one season in the top flight.

Norwich, Palace and Leicester have all introduced ‘Category A, B and C’ games whilst playing in the Premier League. the mackems are to charge £30 a ticket for ‘Category A’ games – Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manure, smoggies and of course, Newcastle, while all other ‘Category B’ games will be £25.

Chief executive Peter Walker explained: ‘Our policy is to make the majority of fixtures as affordable for our supporters. By increasing the prices for the six ‘category A’ fixtures we are able to ensure that the pricing for ‘category B’ games remains at a lower level.’

All we and good Mr. Walker if the system is only imposed on home fans and does not affect the followers of the six away teams. To charge some away fans an extra £5 just because they support ‘high profile’ teams is an absolute disgrace.

We should charge the visiting pondlife an extra £5 when they come to SJP. Why? Because they’re mackems.