Season 2005-06
February 2006 March 2006 April 2006
Q L 4 0. Submitted on 29/03/2006 by ?
Whatever happened to the Poll Tax Protesting Anarchistic Anti-Christ who refused work, despised war and encouraged people to ‘Eat The Rich’ and ‘Kill Your Boss’? Well he’s turned forty this week, has a mortgage, wife and family, a full time ‘shirt and tie’ job and drives a family car. Could he be thinking about joining the Ramside Golf Club?

Happy 40th Birthday.
More Toytown tribulations Submitted on 29/03/2006 by PC Plod
Oh Dear, there is more trouble in Toytown police station, PC Plods colleague PC Mole went to on a course so he could drive the little noddy vans, but they tested his eyesight and found he is as blind as a premiership ref, so he was told that from now on, he’s on foot patrol in the town centre until he passes his “cycling proficiency” at least.

PC Mole shouted indignantly “but I’ve never been in accident in my life” (that may be true, but f*** me he’s caused some)
Desperate Scouser Submitted on 28/03/2006 by Scouse
To my loyal football supporting boys and girls (Joanne and Greavsie)...
I appreciate the fact that unfortunately for another season you haven’t reached a major cup final.
And for the past three seasons of watching you lot I'm not surprised .....nevertheless, I like you, love the game.
Now as you will all know the Mighty Red Army have drawn Chelsea in the semi-final at Old Trafford on 23rd April.
So my question to you all is....Can any of you get me TWO TICKETS please?

There is a Newcastle shirt and a case of beer in it for who ever manages this feat for me........

Yours in sport...


Feel free to post your replies on the message board.
 RESULT . . . Charlton Athletic 3-1 Newcastle United     more . . . Submitted on 28/03/2006
Charlton Away Submitted on 24/03/2006 by Smike
Meet in The Bridge at 2pm on Saturday.

All are required to attend the Horns Tavern, West Norwood for a specially arranged gig by The Primates just for the Carrville Mags.

 MATCH REPORT . . . Chelsea 1-0 Newcastle United Submitted on 24/03/2006 by Dirk
On paper we had the toughest draw in the FA Cup Quarterfinal – away to Chelsea. But with no Championship, Division 1 or Division 2 team left in the competition I am not sure whether it really mattered. We might have beaten Birmingham at home if Liverpool can put 7 past them at St Andrews who knows. We are going there next months in the League. The first two Quarterfinals ended with away wins. Would this continue today – or are Newcastle messing this run up ? 4 away wins, Boro in the Semi, West Ham in the Final – wishful thinking.

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 MATCH REPORT . . . Newcastle United 1-3 Liverpool Submitted on 24/03/2006 by Greavsie
Tommy's Grand Day Out !

Well it was Tommy Passmore's birthday, so his son Mark decided to take him out for a pint and a trip to the match with the lads. (It'll be the only pint he'll be buying him this year though.)

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 RESULT . . . Chelsea 1-0 Newcastle United     more . . . Submitted on 22/03/2006
 RESULT . . . Newcastle United 1-3 Liverpool     more . . . Submitted on 19/03/2006
Scouse Twad Submitted on 14/03/2006 by Dummy Out
No offence Scouse and Tommy, but who does Stevie Gerrard think he is?

I’ll tell you what I think he is – he’s a FCUKING W@NKER.
He’s tried to tell Benitez who to sign, and tapped-up his best mate Michael Owen. We are all wise enough to realise that there's a strong chance that Owen could be on his bike - but the cocky Scouse cnut needs a clip for egging him on.

Let’s hope Big Al has marked his card after the Boxing day game. Remember him blasting through the back of Shearer during the Bowyer sending off? It just confirmed to me that he is a cowardly prick.

We could do with Titus back on Sunday so that we can hear the Scousers cheer him on again – and then launch Gerrard into the stand.
Club vs. Country? Submitted on 14/03/2006 by Beat
Despite a relatively poor turn-out at the Sporties on Sunday, one older Carrville Mag was fairly blunt in his opinion on rugby.

With 15 mins of the Manure game to go, one of the bar staff decided – without any warning - to pander to a small minority and switch channels on the large flat screen to show the France vs. England rugby match.

Quiet Lad, as you can imagine, was less than pleased. But it was Sid’s response that took some beating.

“Rugby? Fcuking rugby? Load of shite. Any twad can run around holding a rugby ball. It’s just a game for fat b@stards who bite each other.” No one disagreed.
 MATCH REPORT . . . Manchester United 2-0 Newcastle United Submitted on 14/03/2006 by Smike
The Theatre of Dreams?

I’ll never forget that feeling when the ball hit the back of the net when Shearer scored at Old Trafford against Sheffield United to send us to a cup final for the first time since 1976…… and didn’t we party?

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Scouse Office Submitted on 13/03/2006 by Sean
 RESULT . . . Manchester United 2-0 Newcastle United     more . . . Submitted on 13/03/2006
Directions… Submitted on 09/03/2006 by Sean
Ready for Liverpool? Submitted on 09/03/2006 by Sean
Wise decision?? Submitted on 08/03/2006 by John Elliott
 MATCH REPORT . . . Newcastle United 3-1 Bolton Wanderers Submitted on 07/03/2006 by Wilf
Having missed the Everton match, I was particularly looking forward to this and for a change I was not disappointed. No pre - match pint as Sarah stepped in as a late replacement for Kieron, who got held up in a 4-hour job interview. So I have yet to sample the delights of the casino!

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 RESULT . . . Newcastle United 3-1 Bolton Wanderers     more . . . Submitted on 04/03/2006
Luxury Soft Top Convertible. Submitted on 04/03/2006 by ?
Be sure to ask Beat about his new car at the Bolton game. What a poser he’s becoming.
Or better still get Ticketmaster John’s side of the story.

You’ll not believe it!
Lost . . . Submitted on 04/03/2006 by ?
I Don’t Believe It! Submitted on 03/03/2006 by Smike
Another one bites the dust.
40 today, and most of us know him as the little lad who always seemed to have problems with blistered feet who has grown into a Victor Meldrew lookalike.
After a stint in Edinburgh, he moved to The Smoke to pursue his musical career (drums – not a proper musical instrument). He now spends some evenings hitting cymbals for The Primates and his days lazing around the house tending to his sore feet.
Looks like he’s got the blister problem sorted.
‘Listen lads, if we don’t wear shoes then I’ll not have any more problems with blisters’.
Visit -
Sweet F A ? Submitted on 01/03/2006 by Smike
Below is a copy of the email sent to the FA on Friday lunchtime after hearing the news that the Charlton game had been moved to Sunday 26th Mar.

Please don't tell that what I've just heard is true. There are 15 of us, staunch Newcastle fans, who have booked train tickets, overnight accommodation and match tickets for the Charlton game on Saturday 25th March. It can't be true; surely you can not be changing fixtures at such sort notice. When are the real fans going to be taken into account?????? This, if true is an absolute disgrace!!!

Don't worry; I don't expect a reply as I'm sure that you'll be inundated with this type of email. However I'm certain it’ll not make any difference.

Any chance of you refunding our costs?

And, believe it or not I received a reply today (Tuesday)…..

Dear Simon,

Charlton Athletic FC v Newcastle United FC

Thank you for your email. We are sorry that you have been inconvenienced by the rescheduling of this match.

As a result of Charlton’s FA Cup 6th round tie being scheduled on Thursday 23rd March the Club requested their home fixture against Newcastle United scheduled for Saturday 25th March be moved back to Sunday 26th March so that Charlton would not have to play two games within 48 hours.

Once the FA had ordered Charlton to fulfil their 6th Round Cup tie on Thursday 23rd March the Premier League Board had no alternative but to move the fixture back to 2:00pm Sunday 26th March. Premier League Rules allow Clubs playing in UEFA Cup matches on a Thursday evening to rearrange the match scheduled for the Saturday to the following Sunday. Given that this precedent has already been set the Board felt that the game had to be moved to protect the integrity of the competition and ensure the same treatment for Clubs playing in the FA Cup.

We do appreciate the problems experienced by fans when fixtures move and we do try to minimise the disruption whenever possible. On this occasion the Board had no alternative option and made the decision as soon as possible after the scheduling of the FA Cup 6th Round. We always ensure that our fixture lists advise that fixtures may change but we are unable to insist that travel companies offer more flexible cheap tickets, or that Clubs offer refunds on tickets already purchased. We hope you are still able to attend the match.

Best Regards

Communications Department

‘Appreciate the problems’ my ar$e.