Season 2005-06
April 2006 May 2006 June 2006
Daddy Trapper Submitted on 29/05/2006 by ?
Congratulations to Sarah & Trapper. Emma Rhian was born at 11.20am today (Monday).

He may now have to start acting like a responsible adult.
One Day International Submitted on 29/05/2006 by ?
On Saturday 24 June, a couple of days after next season’s fixtures are published, England play Sri Lanka at Chester-le-Street in the 3rd One Day Cricket International.

The game is sold out, but John Elliot has a spare ticket beside him for £40 if anyone fancies a day on the drink in a very good seat.
There are certain to be a few deluded fcuk-wits walking around in red and white shirts to laugh at if the cricket is boring. Get in touch with John.
World Cup Competition Submitted on 23/05/2006 by ?
Once again the Yorkshire Mags have set up a predictions competition for the forthcoming tournament. Their last similar effort, for Euro 2004, was, I recall, won by a Carrville Mag.

The entry fee is only £5 and 25% of money will go to charity (Tiny Lives); 40% to winner; 20% to runner-up; 10% to third and 5% to fourth.

Entry details are on the form. It can be emailed to Mal@yorkshiremags.co.uk

I can collect and dispatch entry fees if this makes things easier. Please pass it friends and colleagues as the more entries the better. We’ll put a link on this web site to let you track your progress.

You could achieve a lot more by spending a fiver on this than by buying a ‘Made in China’ George Cross car flag. (Does anyone understand the recent phenomena flying the flag? It’s like showing that you support a cockney team, or that you’ve never been to a football match. And the Sporties will be full of women and kids for the games.)

So even if you don’t want England to do anything (and there are more than a few) the competition is still well worth a go.

Click here for your entry form and email it to mal@yorkshiremags.co.uk
Smike…..only lives for Sex and Danger Submitted on 13/05/2006 by ?
As you have seen he has dished it out to others in the Chelsea match report, making out everyone else was pi$$ed!

Listen to his effort here

 MATCH REPORT . . . Alan Shearer XI 3-2 Celtic Submitted on 13/05/2006 by Greavsie
Come In No. 9, Your Time's Up .....
That's how everyone seemed to be feeling on the bus & in the Sporties after the match. Everyone who was there is going to remember the night for a very long time, and so they should.

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Still Laughing? Submitted on 13/05/2006 by Smike
Thought you might like this.

I’ve been for a swim today to work off the weekends snakebite and in the changing room afterwards I overheard 2 sad makems discussing the plight of their club!

We’ll call them peg seller 1 and peg seller 2, and the conversation developed something like this;

PS1 ‘Hullo mate, ‘avent seen you for a while, ya alright?’

PS2 ‘Aye, canny, and you?’

PS1 ‘Champion. But hey I’ve got some great news for you’.

PS2 ‘Oh aye, what have you heard?’

PS1 ‘Well it’s definitely true about that Irish consortium headed by Quinn’.

PS2 ‘Aye, and….’

PS1 ‘They’re definitely taking over in the summer, and one of them is the richest man in Ireland, can’t remember his name though.’

PS2 ‘Oh aye, so where’ve you got this from?’

PS1 Looks over his shoulder to make sure nobody else is listening, ‘The licensee of The Seaton Hotel at Seaham Harbour, he used to be friends with Monty.’

PS2 ‘Ooohh, so it’s a good source then!’

PS1 ‘Aye, I sometimes have a pint with him on a Sunday dinner time. He also said that it’s a dead cert that Martin O’Niell is going to be manager’.

PS2 ‘Get in. So did he tell you owt else?’

PS1 ‘Wey aye, haven’t told you the best bit yet’.

PS2 ‘Gerraway’.

PS1 ‘Well the plan is to bounce straight back’.

PS2 ‘So how much money is going to be available for players?’

PS1 ‘Ahh, well he didn’t say nowt about that, but listen, this is the best bit’. Has another look around, ‘They’ve got a three year plan’.

PS2 ‘Oh aye’.

PS1 ‘Aye, and within those three years they intend to make us top dogs again, put the extra tier on the ground, and be playing in Europe!!!’

 MATCH REPORT . . . Newcastle United 1-0 Chelsea Submitted on 11/05/2006 by Smike
Damian Duff Heap
Waiting for an invite to Greavsies is comparable to waiting for The Toon to win a trophy – there’s a good possibility that neither will ever happen in our lifetime.

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Lonely Hearts Column Submitted on 09/05/2006 by Ann
Real ads from Mackem Lonely-Hearts Column
Grossly overweight Seaham arsonist, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and matches. Box 09/08

Pennywell man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box 06/03

Heavy drinker, 35, Seaburn area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Sunderland Football Club and starting scraps on Fawcett Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

Bitter, disillusioned Mackem lately rejected by long-time fiancé seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41

Ginger-haired Southwick jakey gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87

Artistic Ashbrooke woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling con life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential. Box 12/32
Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Ryhope seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest and no sense of smell. Box 40/27

Devil-worshiper, Town End Farm area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07

Attractive brunette, Hendon area, winner of Miss Kappa Tracksuit competition at The Blue Monkey, in September 1998, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to snide hard house CDs. Please, Please! Box 30/41

Pallion man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm.
 RESULT . . . Newcastle United 1-0 Chelsea     more . . . Submitted on 07/05/2006
Sunday & Thursday Submitted on 06/05/2006 by Smike
If you haven't already heard.....Greavsies having a BBQ before the Chelsea game on Sunday - unbelievable, I know!!! 11 o'clock start.
The bus for Sunday is booked to pick up at Greavsies, followed by The Sporties at the normal time of 1.30pm.

Bring some extra cash if you haven't already renewed your travelcard for next season, £10 adults, £5 concessions.

There'll also be a bus on for Big Al's testimonial on Thursday. It will leave The Sporties at the usual midweek time of 6.30pm. Normal fares will apply.
 MATCH REPORT . . . Birmingham City 0-0 Newcastle United Submitted on 05/05/2006 by Dirk
Balti Blues

Last away trip of the season was going this year to Birmingham, where we played Birmingham City. The third team we played in a row which is fighting against relegation. Surprisingly no one from Durham made the journey down to the Midlands. The ticket price of £ 39.- certainly did not help to persuade them otherwise. Not surprised really. Newcastle brought as always a huge following down to the Midlands.

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Cup Final tickets Submitted on 02/05/2006 by ?
A few of the more reasonable Liverpool supporters have made the effort and travelled on our bus over the last couple of seasons. One has even provided us with an outstanding, fully autographed, toon top for fundraising.

So if anyone gets the slightest sniff of any FA Cup Final tickets – corporates, football club, referees etc – please get in touch asap.

ScouserAid@carrvillemags.co.uk
Mackem Favourites Submitted on 01/05/2006 by Sean
Just in case you haven`t seen them all yet . . .