Season 2005-06 Result
Middlesbrough 1-2 Newcastle United
 G.Boateng 79.
 Rochemback,
 Maccarone.
 G.Boateng 29 (og),
 S.Ameobi 44.
 Emre,
 S.Ameobi,
 C.Moore,
 C.N'Zogbia.
Date: 08/04/2006  Venue: Riverside Statium  Competition: Premiership
Crowd: 31,202
Match Report Submitted on 11/04/2006 by Beat
Deaf, Blind and Numb?
With a car full of coppers to look after us on Teesside, not too much to drink, secure parking and a short-ish walk to the ground, it seemed likely to be steady-away day.

We enjoyed the company of four Durham constables in the Sporties and then later in the usual pre-match Smoggie bar (no Malcolm Allison this time). The Carrville coppers mentioned that their deafness and blindness often made them less than reliable witnesses.

So how unlucky were the twins to bump into a similarly hearing impaired Cleveland copper in the ground. He must have misheard the comment about his parents not being married, and, as a result, one of the rascals managed to miss the 2nd half. Ejected and dejected.

Before the game, walking to the ground, we bumped into Alan Jamieson – the top-man York Mag who sorted out the Cardiff bar last season. But he was bumping into everything. Whether he remembers seeing us is questionable. He, like the Crook Mags, must have started exceptionally early.

There must have been some significant pre-match drinking going on by looks of things when the Crook contingent showed up. A 10am opening and a stop-off in Bishop Auckland meant that Carl was probably the loudest singer of “Gary Glitter’s Red and White Army” in the bogs just before kick off. As usual, half an inch of pi$$ covered the floors in the inadequate facilities of this ineptly designed meccano set stadium, It really is a fcuking shite hole of a place to watch a football match – but we seem to keep getting results.

The first half was a stroll.

Studs kindly rushed to the bar just before half-time to get the beers in – just for himself. He didn’t tell anyone he was going, so he drank the two pints. Obviously holding two pints meant he couldn’t get his phone out of his pocket to invite others to enjoy his generosity.

We strolled the 2nd half too, until Nobby went off (and straight down the tunnel). Roeder must have thought playing Dyer wide on the right would get the best out of him – it didn’t. But after a final 10 minutes of severe pressure we waved good-bye to the locals - Pigbag style.

Later on, during the trek through the tunnels, Studs twice threw his mobile at some Smoggies feet, as we shuffled along with the mute locals. Oh how they had laughed before the game when they clapped their team onto the pitch, and giggled along with Mark Page’s comedy moments. Cabbaged set of numpties.
Big Issue was spotted. His legendary letter to the Smog’s catering manager in 1997 is reproduced for your enjoyment. Click Here

Perhaps it will inspire someone to drop a line to Leader of the Gang, Mark Page. How about this for a starter: “Please can we have more Gary Glitter songs for the bairns?”

His email address is me@markpage.com