Season 2005-06 Result
Newcastle United 1-0 Chelsea
 T.Bramble 73.
Date: 07/05/2006  Venue: St.James' Park  Competition: Premiership
Crowd: 52,309
Match Report Submitted on 11/05/2006 by Smike
Damian Duff Heap
Waiting for an invite to Greavsies is comparable to waiting for The Toon to win a trophy – there’s a good possibility that neither will ever happen in our lifetime.

In Greavsie’s case there have been so many missed opportunities that we’d all but given up hope: 15 seasons of home games, 4 World Cups, 4 European Championships, 15 birthdays, 15 new years, 2 christenings, a wedding, 2 house moves and still non of us had ever set foot any where near his house. So when I overheard him mumbling to himself about having BBQ before the last game of the season when he was pi$$ed, it became my duty to spread the word before he could consider changing his mind (just as well my hearing is better than my eyesight).

I got a phone call from Greavsie, ‘I’m coming to pick you up, now!’ This was 10.15am; ‘We’re in for a good day today’, I thought to myself. A quick stop off at the cash machine for Sean & Passy and it was into Greavsies garden by precisely 10.30. I was surprised to find that Roy, Chrissy, Craig and Johna were already there!! Roy immediately practiced the ancient pre-match ritual of mixing Snakebite for everyone while Johna resembled Aynsley Harriot (use your imagination). The Sherburn Surf Stars arrived shortly afterwards, closely followed by Studs, Wilf, Keiron, Beat & Trapper who insisted that he was going to ‘keep himself right’ with the new arrival pending. A huge thank you must go to Ellen who had obviously instigated the get together, spent most of the time in the kitchen and even went to the shop for more Cider after ‘someone’ had spilt it everywhere. She also replaced Greavsies Simple Minds CD with her ‘The Best of The Clash’ – absolutely superb!!
Greavsie & Aynsley Harriott.
Regardless of the forecast the rain kept off and whilst having a kick around with Callum, Chrissy managed to kick the ball directly at Greavsie, soaking him in his own Snakebite. Meanwhile Greavsie entertained himself all morning by directing each one of us into the kitchen cupboard instead of the toilet. 1.20pm came around all too quickly. Ellen bagged up what was left of the cooked meat; we boarded the bus and then picked up at The Sporties.
One hope for next season is that The Casino continues the pre-match offer of 2 pints for the price of one. 6 pints for £7.20: I certainly wasn’t complaining.

The atmosphere at SJP was electric, probably the best it’s been for some time. We deserved to beat Chelsea in what resulted in a seventh place finish and a spot in the Intertoto. Moore had another good game at centre half, however Solano’s injury seemed to signal the end for us as Boumsong came on as substitute. Fortunately Bramble lashed home a superb volley after Faye had headed on an Emre corner on 73mins. This was closely followed by a needless sending off for Carr. Nevertheless we hung on for the final 15 mins as Chelsea pressed for an equaliser and the noise at full time was deafening.

The bus journey back saw the remaining barbequed meat disappear, mainly into Craig & Chrissy. It was very evident that The Baileys had also had ‘one too many’ as the contribution to the entertainment from Beat was, ‘Joe Harvey said to Bertie Mee, have you heard of the North Bank at Highbury…..’ ? and then Sid piped up with, ‘Shearer said to Fergie will you come and sign for us……’ ?? Back at The Sporties the frivolity continued (I shudder to think what might happen if we ever do get something to celebrate). Sturdy insisted in buying the whole pub a cigar each, which in turn prompted Trappers cigar party piece (something he only performs after he’s ‘had far too much to drink’ – so much for ‘keeping himself right’).

So the curtain comes down on another fruitless season. After all of this time you’d think that winning nowt would become easier to accept but it doesn’t, just ask Sid, it gets harder. It was a surreal moment when The Falcons won the Powergen Cup in 2001 and the commentator said, ‘…and Newcastle lift the trophy!’ Just didn’t sound right somehow. I’ll be as optimistic as ever come August, most of us are. Yet season after season we don’t seem to have the killer instinct, are plagued by injuries at important times, or basically play downright $hite. That said, it’s always eventful. There’s never a dull moment and this season was to be no exception. To finish seventh is indeed an achievement in it’s self after the mess Sourmess made. All credit to Glen Roeder for securing 32 points since February, winning 6 and drawing 1 of our last 7 games. The most outstanding memory is obviously the win at the dark place, described perfectly by Sean’s ‘match report’. However a personal favourite was the bairn’s first ever away trip: Blackburn. Owen scored his first goal for The Toon, Shearer also scored and N’Zogbia sublimely rounded the keeper in what was a superb second half performance. 3-0 and we thoroughly rubbed Bellamy’s nose in it. I spent the whole journey home trying to explain that it’s not usually that good!! As far as Bellamy goes, I wouldn’t want him back if we could get him on a free transfer and he offered to play for nowt. He’s a nothing nobody who couldn’t tie Shearers or Owens boots.

Roll on next season.