Season 2006-07 Result
Newcastle United 1-5 Birmingham City
 J.Milner 56.
 S.Taylor.
 S.Taylor.
 McSheffrey 5,
 Solano 45 (og),
 N'Gotty 59,
 Larsson 83,
 Campbell 89.
Date: 17/01/2007  Venue: St.James' Park  Competition: FA Cup
Crowd: 26,099
Match Report Submitted on 09/02/2007 by James
“Why can’t it last?” sang a popular North-eastern beat combo. Because it’s Newcastle, that’s why! SLF sang “Suspect Device”. If only there’d been a Suspect device as SJP we wouldn’t have had to witness this ‘kin mauling.

We got three fantastic points against Spurs with the same team that got their pants pulled down today and the only difference was their attitude. Did we think that we would roll this lot over without much trouble? This is the sort of thing that has happened for far too long – one good result and we think we’re world beaters.

The first half performance must have given Birnmingham the idea that they were the premiership side and not just a herd of midlands upstarts. Let’s face it – they were as shocked as us at the way this played out.

It started out well. Smike singing love songs to Nicky Butt. Irish Bar not heaving. Bus driver( apparently) put his foot down and we were thinking – bring ‘em on! Within 5 minutes we were 1-0 down. By half time 2-0 down with a Solano own goal. These were not good signs. Howay man! Then Milner scores a fcuking beauty. Top corner Scud misile. Unstoppable. Here we go. 1-2. Except we didn’t.

Bruno N’Gotty scored their third – you know things are bad when Bolton get shot of you! This really didn’t look good now. Then there were the usual miracles from Given which we take for granted. Somebody called Larsson (not the good one either!) scored in the last ten minutes and there seemed to be a subliminal message of “taxi for everybody” and we all fcuked off. Just getting into a full rant leaving the ground when DJ Campbell (Yeah yeah – it’s Dudley right) scored. 1-5 to them and it should have been a lot worse.

So what happened? Chickens came home to roost. When the adrenalin of young lads starting their first few games wears off all they have left is talent and understanding of the game and tonight it wasn’t nearly good enough. We can talk about injuries and stuff but we still had more than enough to put this fixture to bed. We weren’t up for it and another chance of silverware dribbled away. Not much to be said about their fans except they were remarkably quiet considering they were leathering us. But, again, I think they as much in shock as we were.

Can we take comfort in the fact that we had 10 men for much of the game? Not really as they would have been 1-3 down if Taylor hadn’t brought their lad down. He’s a good player but he’s going to cost us goals and games if he doesn’t sort this out of his game.

So – the night started out full of expectation. I ended with us getting caned, humiliated, soaking wet and I clicked my favourite jumper. There’ll be a lot more shit nights like this before the end of the season. Tits!

Oh and it was on the telly. Everyone saw. No hiding place.

Note to readers: James is a schoolteacher, so we have left all of the mistakes intact!