Season 2012-13 Result
Swansea City 1-0 Newcastle United
 Moore 85.  Cabaye,
Date: 02/03/2013  Venue: Liberty Stadium  Competition: Premiership
Crowd: 20,405
Match Report Submitted on 13/03/2013 by Kieron
Making the long the trip to Swansea didn’t seem that appealing to be honest so the short trip to the pub seemed like the better option. The Hallgarth manor was, as it so often is, packed to the rafters. The capacity crowd consisted of me, my mate Dicky aka the dildo chucker/the bat (neither of the reasons for him acquiring these names can be discussed on a family website) the wife swapper (who shall remain nameless for legal reasons) and the cherry headed mackem who drinks lager tops (t**t). The presence of the cherry headed one left me wondering why if `they’re sunlund `til they die’ what was he doing here watching Newcastle play when Titus the rapist and co are playing airball at home?

The first 15mins or so went in a blur. This wasn’t due to a sparklingly display of Footballing excellence by either team it was down to the wife swappers tale of the Lithuanian rat catcher and his wife he’d met on a recent trip to Riga. Not one for the faint hearted.

We seemed to be on the back foot from the start allowing Swansea to have time on the ball and pick their passes at ease. The home team were dominating play and created the two best chances of the half which saw Steven Taylor clear off the line and a free header from a corner being blazed over the bar when it should have been buried. Cabaye and Tiote both picked up cautions in fairness to Tiote you don’t have to have your feet that high in the air to kick Nathan Dyer in the head. We never really threatened in the first 45 minuets our crossing was abysmal and set pieces resulted in catching practice for Vorm.

The second half kicked off, the cherry headed mackem ordered more lager with lemonade in it (t**t) and Swansea continued to dominate the possession and the play with ease. With 35 minutes to go we decided to stop letting Swansea play and started to create a few chances with Cabaye being instrumental in all of our positive play. Debuchey volleyed wide, Gouffran and Cisse wasted clear chances from 12 yards out and Cabaye and Sissoko both forced Vorm into making two great saves. We didn’t score and no soon had the words “you know what’s coming here, don’t you” left my mouth, Wayne Routledge had left our back four looking incapable of defending a simple ball into the box and Luke Moore somehow bundled home from close range. With 5 minutes left on the clock the game was dead and buried.

The wife swapper and cherry head (t**t) departed this left me and the bat thinking our afternoons entertainment was over. Imagine our delight on seeing a car full returning from their party with Marty. It appears he’s no longer the messiah he’s merely “a tramp in a tracksuit and a clueless one at that.” They do make you laugh.