Wilf's World - Featuring Kieron
Kieron's 'Big' Brother Submitted on 10/01/2005 by ?
Doomed Submitted on 02/01/2005 by ?
Wilf stayed in and watched The Wickerman on New Year's Eve. Not having seen it before he was convinced that the virgin plod, Sgt Howie, was sure to escape from the burning straw man - probably by jumping into the sea.

But he quickly concluded that, as the sun was setting over the horizon in the background, they must be on the West Coast of Scotland and so he really was doomed.

Q. "Why was that?"
A. "If he'd jumped into the sea he would have to swim to America to escape."
The McGuiness Challenge (3-2) Submitted on 15/11/2004 by ?
Wilf 3 v 2 Kieron
Most Sandwiches
Gets into Chase
Can Grow the Best Beard
Most Beer
Height
The McGuiness brothers have been at their antics again. The hair growing competition is still ongoing, however an interim contest to see who can grow the most facial hair before Sunday has developed and they’ll be touting for votes, beware! Wilf’s hair is getting that long that he’s decided not to wash it anymore!!!

‘If you don’t wash it for six weeks it starts to wash itself’, he proclaimed.

It’s recently been spotted in Tesco’s buying shampoo!!
A Desperate Scramble for Points? Submitted on 15/09/2004 by ?
The McGuiness brothers are at it again!

Wilf and Kieron are now involved in a hair growing competition in a desperate attempt to edge ahead in The McGuiness Challenge.

If you haven’t been approached to cast your vote yet, you’d better beware.

Apparently the gauntlet was thrown down during a drunken argument over who had the quickest growing hair!

Wilf was caught secretly asking Joanne for professional advice on the way to the Blackburn game.
Wilf 2 v 2 Kieron
Most Sandwiches
Gets into Chase
Most Beer
Height
Exclusive.....but it's from Wilf Submitted on 01/09/2004 by ?
It seems that Ed had trip to the Three Horse Shoes at Leamside this afternoon. He bumped into a mate who shared a flight from London to Newcastle today with James Beattie.

Beattie told him that he's up to "Sign for the Toon!"

As much as I'd like it to to be true that 26 year old Beattie is on his way remember

- it's a WILF tip-off
- Beattie's been know to have a night in the Toon on previous occasions
- the Rag and Bone man has blown £3.5 million on James Milner
- Ed might have been pissed


And why a flight from London when there are direct flights from Southampton? He's more likely to be shagging on one of Ed's beds tonight than signing for us.
The McGuiness Challenge Submitted on 15/08/2004 by ?
Both score points but they seem to cancel each other out.

But special mentions for Keiron's impression of Rigsby and a certain 'stiffness' whenever Wilf gets close to a football.

The badge will probably swing it. We'll blow it up to work out what it says. Anything Toon related means Wilf takes the lead.
It's the Wilf (in Wolves clothing) Submitted on 03/08/2004 by ?
Saturday's full bus was helped by a few family outings but this indivudual's attempt to sneak on with out any one noticing his new Parka proved to be a bit optimistic. The sheep that this woolly back brought along took up a seat.

Unluckily Studs wasn't on so he didn't get to see it and compare notes.

The last Carrville Mags shirt has been sold and it seems someone will be getting a tremendous Christmas present. No more clues as it might spoil her surprise.
Weez keez Submitted on 10/07/2004 by ?
Somewhere close to this pub in West Bromwich, Wilf entertained the locals by locking his keys in the boot of the car.

This car related numbness reminded us of another recent transportation escapade.

How many people do you reckon set off for Milan - via a rendezvous in Coxhoe - but had to turn around and go home because they forget their sandwiches? Not many I'd bet. You'd be warm if you predicted he's from Pittington.
So what would the odds be on that individual getting back home - only to find that his dog had eaten the contents of his Milan bait box? Very long indeed.

Wilf's World update coming this week.
'Aye, but I've had the most sandwiches' Submitted on 09/07/2004 by ?
This was his reply to brother Keiran who had suggested that he wasn't drinking much at Southampton away in May 2002. Ben the blind Cobbler has also sent this.

Swindon at home 1994...... We'd just arrived back in Carrville after beating Swindon 7-1. We were in obvious high spirits and spotted some unwashed Mackems entering the Paper Shop to by the blunderland echo. He was so desperate to maliciously gloat at the SMBs that he ran straight into the path of a Vauxhall Corsa. He was rushed to Dryburn hospital by ambulance. His first words when he came-to were "I hope you still gloated"
Wilf Submitted on 01/07/2004 by ?
Wilf is one of the younger Carrville Mags, but he's now up there with Eric for sheer entertainment value.

He was a founder member of Carrville's equivalent of the 'Under 5's' - becoming a regular in 1996 along - with his peers Ben (Smike's nephew) and Paul (Colin's nephew and a Robbie Elliot lookalike).

Wilf used to spend a lot of his time between games hanging out in his bedroom with this photo (supplied by Uncle David after his appearance on Wheel of Fortune).

For years 'The 3 Musketeers' brought a teenage perspective to everything. They entertained on away trips, but then Ben moved away to University and Paul joined the Army, leaving Wilf in sole charge of numbness. He has now perfected the uncanny knack of saying the wrong thing at the right time.
His numbness has seen him survive an assassination attempt in the mid 90's - when the 154 bus ran him down on Broomside Lane after one home game. Happily he survived, however some may say he's never been the same since.

What he says .....

1.1.'03 Liverpool home
'I hate Chinese food!' - after paying £5.99 for a Chinese buffet on Stowell St, he had 2 plates of coleslaw.
16.1.'99 Charlton away (weekend)
'What does Madejski mean in English?' - on the way to see Reading v Bristol Rov. on the Saturday before the Charlton Game.

20.2.'00 Tranmere away
'I'm not a fcuking steward!' - to a Toon fan asking directions to his seat, Wilf was wearing a bright orange jacket.
16.5.'98 Cup Final
'Do you have any paracetamol?' - reply to the landlady of the B&B in St. Albans when asked what he would like for breakfast.

Date ? Man u. away?
'But I thought they'd come out cold!' - after putting warm beers in the cool box.
16.5.'98 Cup Final
'I've been up all night making this' - referring to his 'tin foil F.A. Cup' model

16.1.'99 Charlton away
'We're not trouble makers mate, we're only here for the football!' - to the bouncer who had refused us entry into Caesars Nightclub in Streatham, 12.15am
16.1.'99 Charlton away
'So where do you come from, mate?' - to a tramp who was begging for money on Streatham High Road, (a full blown conversation developed).

17.1.'99 Charlton away
'Hey, there's water coming out of my head!' - on the way home after the 'scalded head' incident
Leeds away - Town Hall Tavern
When questioned about his choice of pizza toppings Sean was met with he verbal volley `I can't fcuking read italian` trying to justify the tinned peas and carrots pizza!

2.1.'01 Spurs away
'London stinks!' - whilst passing a Kebab shop on the High Road, in earshot of the meanest looking bunch of 'Yids' you've ever seen.
14.4.'01 Ipswich away
'I can't really see well enough to drive without my glasses' - while driving on the return journey - glasses at home.

22.5.'99 Cup Final
'I've thrown it away!' - reply when asked where his throw-away camera was now that all of the photos had been taken.
The McGuinness Challenge – The Equaliser! Submitted on 01/12/2005 by ?
Some people are still recovering from the arctic conditions in The Angel beer garden the other Friday night – Greavsie in particular. Although young Wilf was well aware of the rules he elected to put his coat on at the first opportunity, where as Kieron on the other hand survived the duration of the whole evening coatless.

One point to Kieron.
Wilf 4 v 4 Kieron

Level pegging at present:
Most Sandwiches
Gets into Chase
Can Grow the Best Beard
Longest hair
Most Beer
Tallest
Mam's favourite
Doesn‘t feel the cold
The McGuiness Challenge Submitted on 25/08/2005 by ?
Wilf 4 v 3 Kieron
Both have scored points recently so Wilf just keeps in front:
Most Sandwiches
Gets into Chase
Can Grow the Best Beard
Longest hair
Most Beer
Tallest
Mam's favourite